Do you have 'the fear'?

As I'm now, technically, a 'blogger', it's fair to say that I am part of the digital age.  I know my Facebook from my Twitter, my memes from my trolls and my Instagram from my Pinterest.  This means that I also know of 'FOMO' - Fear Of Missing Out.

FOMO is a modern day psychological phenomena which is destroying the enjoyment of Friday nights out at perfectly good parties and nights in at home with a perfectly good film for thousands of people, young and old across the globe.  And it's all to do with social media.  There you are having a perfectly enjoyable Saturday night in watching Dad's Army on iPlayer when you check your Facebook home page and are bombarded with status updates such as 'Amazing in Oceana tonight! Best night ever!', 'Definitely just saw Prince Harry in Babble!' or 'So glad I didn't stay in tonight!'  Instantly, you feel like the loneliest, saddest person on the planet and want to replace John Le Mesurier with a few 'measures' (sorry!) of vodka.   Or perhaps you're at a great house party but a Tweet from a friend at another party makes you wonder if you're missing out on a better time.  You make your excuses and head to the other party only to find that, like The Coalition Government, it's not, actually, as good as it sounded.

I like to think that I'm not a FOMO sufferer but, good God, that has not always been the case!  When I was younger, I was in attendance at every club night that my local city had.  Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, you'd spot me in Pitcher and Piano doing my best to get through as many of the cocktails on their '2 for 1' menu before the offer ended at 11pm and then I'd be hitting the dancefloor in one of the city's clubs with my fellow FOMO sufferers until the small hours.  If my friends weren't available one night, I'd frantically text, call, smoke signal and telegram anybody I could think of to accompany me on my quest for 'social fulfilment' and to ensure I didn't miss out on anything that night.  This routine continued for about 18 months until one Saturday night when no amount of texting, persuasion or semaphore would provide me with a chum.  As I so often do when things look bleak, I went to my mum with the quandry.  What happened next was one of the most useful lessons I have ever learnt in my life.

Mum looked at me and said, 'You've done your best and a night out just isn't happening.  The chances are, if you'd gone out tonight, something bad may have happened.  Why don't you go and sit down, relax and do something that you really enjoy like watch a good film or read a good book.'  And so I did.  I was forced, by circumstance, to enjoy my own company on a Saturday night and I loved it.

Since that night, I've found it far easier to succumb to quiet nights in and have now, some might say, gone too far the other way.  I seem to have FOMO related to my bed or my sofa.  If I go out tonight, will I wish I'd stayed at home?  Will I miss out on my dog doing something amazing or my cat acquiring the power of sppech?  Gradually and with help from family and friends, I have learnt to make decisions as to going out or not and stick to them.  It has also made it far easier for me to say no to things I don't want to do which, quite often now, includes going out to bars and clubs.  If only I could find some way to say no to that chocolate bar!

 'Muuummm?'

The Sugar's Apprentice

It's that time of year again.  That annual, televisual feast which sees the 'greatest' business minds on this sceptred isle pitted against one another in competition to see who is first to get cherry blossom poisoning from licking the boots of 'Sralan'.  Herein, lies the greatest downfall of The Apprentice - the Sorcerer himself.    Lord/Sir/Mr/Lord of Darkness/Alan Sugar, whilst being a fabulous pantomime villain who, by default, makes fabulous pantomime television is not the sort of person I would wish to have as a mentor in the cut-throat world of hard and fast business.  Please don't misunderstand me here.  I am not disputing his razor sharp business acumen nor his in-depth understanding of markets and their rollercoaster nature but rather, to use a well coined business phrase, his 'people skills'.

It's unfortunate, really, that this programme has become such a breeding ground for what, in any real work place, would probably be seen as bullying.  Lord Sugar seems only ever to attack the contestants vying for his affections and I cannot recall one occurrence of him ever giving praise or any sort of positive reinforcement.  Whilst Nick Hewer's disco dancing eyebrows and sarcastic facial spasms do provide some comic relief and Karren Brady's mere presence does more for the feminist movement than Katie Price ever will (sorry, dear!), the programme still comes across as quite simply, 'The Alan Sugar Show'.  His sarcasm, lame metaphors and Cockney patter making him the Del Boy of Canary Wharf.  If I had a business mentor like him, I'd be awfully confused as to whether or not I had any business talent and would be seeking alternative employment (and perhaps therapy!).  Quickly.

So to the 2013 contestants (well, a handful of them)!

Leah Totton strikes me as interesting televisual fodder, not least because of her 'Page 3' blonde locks and pouty chops but because of her current career.  The woman's a doctor!  She's a practicing GP, having spent years studying, we assume hard, at university only to jack it all in for a place on The Alan Sugar Show.  I would be interested to know her reasons behind this decision.

And the winner of the 'Not Helping Women get Ahead in Business' award is Luisa Zissman who says of her business abilities 'I have the energy of a Duracell bunny, the sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit and a brain like Einstein.'  Yes, Ms Zissman, you may well think you have the same sexual attraction as the Kathleen Turner voiced Jessica but quite what this has to do with your real boardroom talents, I don't know.  Please don't start putting polyfilla on that glass ceiling when we've worked so damn hard to smash it!

Every series of The Apprentice has a 'sweety'.  A young chap who is probably still wearing the same suit he wore to his university interview and of whom your mother would remark 'he's a lovely guy but you'll break his heart!'  This Series' 'sweety' is Jason Leech, historian and property entrepeneur.  From what is said of Jason in his 'blurb', he seems like a fine example of middle class British stock, citing croquet as an interest and John Lewis as an admired brand.  And in the true spirit of middle class, public school arrogance, Jason blows all his warming traits out of the water by mentioning his 'effortless superiority'.  

I should probably take this opportunity to mention that I don't even watch The Apprentice.  I gave up on it about 5 years ago, roughly the same time that I gave up on television as an entire medium, partly because I couldn't believe that the people being paraded through London's Square Mile to Prokofiev's 'Dance of The Knights' were truly the cream at the top of Britain's milk jug of business!  Having trawled through the reviews of tonight's episode and the inevitable 'ranting' on Facebook and other social media, it's not just me who sees it like this. As one broadsheet's reviewer put it, 'They should rename this, 'The Git'!'

The Opening Verse

I've always enjoyed writing, the arts and being creative.  But despite this, from the age of about two years I was convinced that my vocation, my calling in life was veterinary science.  I was going to read Veterinary Medicine at Cambridge University, graduate with a First and become the female equivalent of James Herriot in some sleepy Sussex village.  I envisaged myself snaking down country lanes in a Range Rover and spending my days at the business end of calving heifers and sewing up puppies' paw pads.

No, if you are wondering, I'm not a vet, nor did I go to Cambridge and nor do I live in Sussex.  I'm a Sport Studies graduate from The University of Southampton with a B in GCSE Biology and a crippling aversion to blood and needles.  Was it John Lennon who said 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans?'  Well, I was busy making other veterinary related plans whilst life (and perhaps hereditary traits and genetics) made me appalling at maths, science and... blood related careers.  My Year 11 science teacher even remarked that 'Alexandra could always spell scientific words, even if the meanings were less memorable.'

So here I am, hoping that one day, my dream to write for a living will materialise and that is why I have decided to compose this blog.  I see it as a soundboard for my musings, occasional rants and comment on world events, people, places, anything which gets my linguistic juices flowing.  Hopefully, people other than my mother may even read it!